“Is the third time a charm?” I wondered…

Last night, as I headed to my local library with tea, the scent of the warm coffee cake filling my car (my mother’s recipe), I wondered if the third time would be the charm… it was my third attempt at creating space in my local community to normalize conversations around death and dying.

I exchanged greetings with the custodian. As always he made sure that I had all that I needed– which was just a table, chairs and some pleasant lighting. I laid out all the goodies, watched the clock strike six, and hoped that my experiment would begin to take. At 6:17, I decided that, alas, for any number of reasons – it’s hard to talk about dying, death, grief, and loss, it’s very cold outside, the state of the world has some folks feeling hopeless and disengaged, the list could go on. But, I consoled myself, thinking that the idea is still a good one. I did wonder if I would persist. My family was disappointed for me. Perhaps strangely, I was not as disappointed as they were. I’ve become accustomed to reflecting on and understanding the difficult nature of the topic for many people. I was more curious as to what I could do differently…

I packed up the milk and sugar, the wonderful coffee cake, and my electric teapot, put on my coat, grabbed my keys, and headed out the meeting room door. A woman was heading towards me. I caught her eye as she started to turn around, but I said, “Are you here for the Death Café?” And she said, “Yes, I’m so sorry I’m late,” to which, as you can imagine, I replied, “No worries. I’m delighted that you’re here.” She asked, “Am I the only one?”  I said there is a woman who is interested in coming, she’s a harpist, and she wants to play during the Death Café, but she couldn’t make it tonight because she has a gig tomorrow.”

We sat down, had warm drinks and cake, and slipped easily into deep conversation about our experiences with death and dying and how hard it is to find people to talk with about our experiences and our ideas for helping to make this universal yet deeply individual experience a topic of everyday conversation. Our discussion was wide-ranging, from personal life experiences to the philosophical to the practical to societal. That’s the beauty of a Death Café! It’s agenda-less. We talk about what is in our hearts and on our minds…we decide how much to share, and we know it’s a confidential space.

It was a heart-opening experience. I look forward to more!