How far into the future are you looking?

Last week, I hosted a Death Café at my local library. There were so many people in attendance! The range of participants, their experiences, stories, questions, emotions, laughter, and tenderness toward each other was astonishing… so human.

I’ll be honest, the guidelines of the Death Café are important, and at times, I still struggle to follow them. It’s really my nature (? desire) to discover, explore, and share resources. That is not what the Café is about. Cafés are places to share thoughts, feelings, practical and philosophical questions—not advice or resources. What occurs during our 90 minutes together, aside from enjoying tea and cake, is co-created within the guidelines… we are there to be with and hear each other.

The other night, I was struck by the chasm between the number of resources that I have explored over the past few years and the lack of general knowledge about what’s available these days to support us in making plans for our final departure. Truth be told, the number of books, podcasts, articles, and videos, not to mention workshops and group experiences, is almost overwhelming. I have created a curated list for my work to help folks begin the process.

This snippet, from the current End Well newsletter, echoed my sharing last night, which was received with some surprise.

“the end of life is not something that happens to us. It’s something we can shape—through intention, creativity, and connection to what matters most.”

Though everyone in the room had experienced the death of a loved one and had some knowledge and/or experience with the tasks that accompany our final weeks and days, very few had thought about planning for their own dying and death.

I shared about recently attending a funeral and how it reminded me to write a note to all who would attend my celebration of life ceremony. I want to create an experience that will be special for them… with a few thoughts from me, an opportunity for them to tell stories of our times together, with music, good food, and drink, in the clothes that feel right to them—be it black or a wild array of colors (picking up the thread from the previous post).

I have lived/am living a good, full life, so fortunate to have close friends and family. My plan is to create that feeling of being together again—by fond memories—because I believe that we remain in the hearts and minds of those we have touched during our time in this world.

PS: If you’re curious about Death Cafés, visit the site to discover when and where it all began (at this point, over 20,000 Cafés have been held in person and online), what it’s all about, and how you can access one, if it feels right.

PPS: I’m hosting the next Cafe in NYC through Creative Mornings Clubs on August 24th and again on September 21st (register for free here), and at the Suffern Library on September 25th. Learn more about the Cafés I host here.