Here’s a conundrum: I have achieved my goal of developing a program—and created a challenge for potential clients at the same time.

As I read through the guide I have created to accompany my new program, Live Well, End Well, I realized that my design had both intended and unintended consequences: 

• a small group program would bring opportunities for normalizing conversations about the last transition that we make in life—dying and death
• hearing about other people’s experiences, questions, concerns, challenges, fears, and hopes can build a sense of camaraderie
• sharing ideas, plans, successes, and missteps is both informative and reassuring–this is a journey, one of the most important we will make
• acknowledging the big, brave work we are doing and those times when we need to employ self-care and self-compassion may be more readily understood in witnessing others’ experiences.

An overlooked yet unsurprising consequence of my design is that it may exclude people: the program addresses deeply personal matters. While people choose how much they will participate in a group, there is an expectation of sharing and support for each other. 

This work is: 

• more profound than many of the big tasks that we take on–it’s not choosing where to live or whether to take a new position—which are important decisions yet don’t require us to address our mortality 
• not a matter of ticking off the boxes–this involves all of us–our thoughts, emotions, relationships, hopes, fears, and connection to our intimate circle and communities
• managing one of the biggest projects of our lives if we choose to be actively engaged in it. This means our skills in researching, organizing, and making big decisions are called into play. 
• easier when we have a trusted companion on the journey, someone we can turn to when we need to make big decisions. While we might want the support of others, which we often get when we’re planning for the birth of a child, birthday party, graduation party, marriage, separation, or divorce, sometimes our partner, friends, or family members are not ready to help us with this almost taboo topic.
• ultimately transformational—providing us with peace of mind because we are planning to take good care of ourselves and our families… yet there’s also the reality of life today (at least in the US), which feels uncertain and complex, to say the least. People may feel that they cannot take on decision-making at this point in time.
• time-bound— the goal of completing a plan and implementing the steps can feel like too much pressure for some people.
• as noted, deeply personal, and some people prefer one-to-one conversations.

What’s your experience? 

I know I am not alone in having that moment of clarity. “Oh, I had such singular focus on my intention that I didn’t realize …” And, the beauty of it is, there’s no need for self-judgment or criticism. It’s all great information!

Using the learning from this new lens, I am happy to add private coaching that follows the program created yet is easily tailored to individuals’ circumstances, needs, and wants. It’s also my plan to expand on the guidebook I have designed so the people who prefer to do their work on their own, at their own pace, can do so. It reminds me of the coaching program I originally created for teens, How to Major in You and Find the Right College. My experience with both the 1:1 and group coaching sessions years ago was a delight. Knowing that my book is still selling because there is a need reminds me of the importance of helping people find their own path. This unintended consequence has created new opportunities to serve people’s varied needs … an awesome result!

When did you accomplish your intended results and discover there might even be more to do?

I’d love to hear from you!