Tag Archive for: planning

How far into the future are you looking?

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Last week, I hosted a Death Café at my local library. There were so many people in attendance! The range of participants, their experiences, stories, questions, emotions, laughter, and tenderness toward each other was astonishing… so human.

I’ll be honest, the guidelines of the Death Café are important, and at times, I still struggle to follow them. It’s really my nature (? desire) to discover, explore, and share resources. That is not what the Café is about. Cafés are places to share thoughts, feelings, practical and philosophical questions—not advice or resources. What occurs during our 90 minutes together, aside from enjoying tea and cake, is co-created within the guidelines… we are there to be with and hear each other.

The other night, I was struck by the chasm between the number of resources that I have explored over the past few years and the lack of general knowledge about what’s available these days to support us in making plans for our final departure. Truth be told, the number of books, podcasts, articles, and videos, not to mention workshops and group experiences, is almost overwhelming. I have created a curated list for my work to help folks begin the process.

This snippet, from the current End Well newsletter, echoed my sharing last night, which was received with some surprise.

“the end of life is not something that happens to us. It’s something we can shape—through intention, creativity, and connection to what matters most.”

Though everyone in the room had experienced the death of a loved one and had some knowledge and/or experience with the tasks that accompany our final weeks and days, very few had thought about planning for their own dying and death.

I shared about recently attending a funeral and how it reminded me to write a note to all who would attend my celebration of life ceremony. I want to create an experience that will be special for them… with a few thoughts from me, an opportunity for them to tell stories of our times together, with music, good food, and drink, in the clothes that feel right to them—be it black or a wild array of colors (picking up the thread from the previous post).

I have lived/am living a good, full life, so fortunate to have close friends and family. My plan is to create that feeling of being together again—by fond memories—because I believe that we remain in the hearts and minds of those we have touched during our time in this world.

PS: If you’re curious about Death Cafés, visit the site to discover when and where it all began (at this point, over 20,000 Cafés have been held in person and online), what it’s all about, and how you can access one, if it feels right.

PPS: I’m hosting the next Cafe in NYC through Creative Mornings Clubs on August 24th and again on September 21st (register for free here), and at the Suffern Library on September 25th. Learn more about the Cafés I host here. 

Planning—The Delight of Intended Consequences and … 

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Here’s a conundrum: I have achieved my goal of developing a program—and created a challenge for potential clients at the same time.

As I read through the guide I have created to accompany my new program, Live Well, End Well, I realized that my design had both intended and unintended consequences: 

  • a small group program would bring opportunities for normalizing conversations about the last transition that we make in life—dying and death
  • hearing about other people’s experiences, questions, concerns, challenges, fears, and hopes can build a sense of camaraderie
  • sharing ideas, plans, successes, and missteps is both informative and reassuring–this is a journey, one of the most important we will make
  • acknowledging the big, brave work we are doing and those times when we need to employ self-care and self-compassion may be more readily understood in witnessing others’ experiences.

An overlooked yet unsurprising consequence of my design is that it may exclude people: the program addresses deeply personal matters. While people choose how much they will participate in a group, there is an expectation of sharing and support for each other. 

This work is: 

  • more profound than many of the big tasks that we take on–it’s not choosing where to live or whether to take a new position—which are important decisions yet don’t require us to address our mortality 
  • not a matter of ticking off the boxes–this involves all of us–our thoughts, emotions, relationships, hopes, fears, and connection to our intimate circle and communities
  • managing one of the biggest projects of our lives if we choose to be actively engaged in it. This means our skills in researching, organizing, and making big decisions are called into play. 
  • easier when we have a trusted companion on the journey, someone we can turn to when we need to make big decisions. While we might want the support of others, which we often get when we’re planning for the birth of a child, birthday party, graduation party, marriage, separation, or divorce, sometimes our partner, friends, or family members are not ready to help us with this almost taboo topic.
  • ultimately transformational—providing us with peace of mind because we are planning to take good care of ourselves and our families… yet there’s also the reality of life today (at least in the US), which feels uncertain and complex, to say the least. People may feel that they cannot take on decision-making at this point in time.
  • time-bound— the goal of completing a plan and implementing the steps can feel like too much pressure for some people.
  • as noted, deeply personal, and some people prefer one-to-one conversations.

What’s your experience? 

I know I am not alone in having that moment of clarity. “Oh, I had such singular focus on my intention that I didn’t realize …” And, the beauty of it is, there’s no need for self-judgment or criticism. It’s all great information!

Using the learning from this new lens, I am happy to add private coaching that follows the program created yet is easily tailored to individuals’ circumstances, needs, and wants. It’s also my plan to expand on the guidebook I have designed so the people who prefer to do their work on their own, at their own pace, can do so. It reminds me of the coaching program I originally created for teens, How to Major in You and Find the Right College. My experience with both the 1:1 and group coaching sessions years ago was a delight. Knowing that my book is still selling because there is a need reminds me of the importance of helping people find their own path. This unintended consequence has created new opportunities to serve people’s varied needs … an awesome result!

When did you accomplish your intended results and discover there might even be more to do?

I’d love to hear from you!

Collaboration— it’s an adventure!

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What was your most recent STELLAR collaborative experience?

What made it so fabulous? 

Here’s a different yet related question: When was the last time you worked with someone new or with whom you had never worked before? (Knowing someone and working with them are two different things, no?) And, when I say “work”, I mean, co-created an experience or a project.

I’m about to step into the fourth stage of such an endeavor. The first stage was the idea, the second was the agreement, the third was the conversation about the dance that we could do together and today we will step onto the dance floor together.*A pre-training coffee together!

What factors do you consider before engaging in collaboration—whether that collaboration is by your design or the result of someone else’s suggestion or direction?

I reflect on my foundation, literally what I bring to the experience—my background, experience, goals, energy, and personal style of communication. Of course, I also consider all of the same about my colleague(s), looking for areas of similarity, easy alignment, and possible friction. It is always my intention to step into a situation with eyes wide open, understanding, and leveraging our respective strengths. Being aware of our differences (philosophical and/or practical) enables me to plan ahead, to mitigate areas of turbulence in the flow of the experience.

Assessments are a passion of mine. I rely most heavily on the VIA Character Strengths survey and Platinum Rule. The former focuses my attention on the strengths of all involved in the collaboration while the latter points to areas of easy connection and potential challenges. It’s not so much that these instruments give me answers, it’s that they increase my awareness of my interactions. (I think, very concretely, about how to remain emotionally intelligent through the experience.) (If you’re interested in learning more about these resources, please reach out to me.)

The foundation for all this work is an approach to the process of collaboration and change (because training is all about change). The five D’s of Appreciative Inquiry (Definition, Discover, Dream, Design, Destiny) guide my planning and work. Sometimes I share the essence of the approach with my colleagues and other times I keep it close to the vest, knowing that I am working with it. 

What are your frameworks for understanding yourself and others, collaborative relationships, and planning for experiences/change? How do you integrate your knowledge to create unparalleled experiences?

 I LOVED sharing the training experience with my colleague—seeing how we were both similar and different—and how that benefitted the participants. Of course, it made us better trainers too.

Now that I am back home, with time to reflect, I realize that I would have liked even more time talking with my colleague—processing each day’s events and the entire adventure. In this particular instance, that couldn’t happen though I made time to reflect on my own, and of course, we talked throughout our days together.

I hope you will share your approach to collaboration and the framework and practices that support such events’ planning, implementation, and evaluation. 

*written last week on the way to Belgium

 

The Joy of Exploration

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How often do you stop to really reflect about the the tools you’re going to use for a project?

What motivates you to look at your “go-to ” resources with new eyes?

Honestly, I don’t often think about the tools that I use because I’ve already vetted them (explored the possibilities, tested their capabilities, compared them, and made my decisions). When working with markers and paper for graphic facilitation, graphic recording or visual coaching work, I will choose my Neuland markers and the paper that fits the task best. For digital work (and play), I’ll work with Procreate on my iPad with my Apple Pencil but if I am creating illustrations for Drawify, I’ll need to work in Concepts. 

If I’m working on Miro, the online collaborative space, I will continue to discover new resources available through plug-ins and different ways of imagining the canvas. I have mounted large projects,  (my Appreciative Inquiry final project for certification)and imported photos, visuals, documents, and more.

When making my own projects with Zentangle designs or teaching, I use my Sakua  Micron 01, 08, 1, 10 or PN black pens and the lovely Italian paper “tiles” that are a signature resource, or watercolor, or mixed media paper. In  preparation for my first mural work. I tested many markers, paints, and varnishes plus brush tips. And in my Tangling BIG class I am working with markers on canvas and still wondering how I will translate the beauty of using graphite on paper to such a different surface—I’ll know soon!

What about you?

When is the last time you shook it up a bit and did a “tasting” of new tools, materials, and resources?What’s new in your bag of goodies? 

Yesterday morning, I was imagining all kinds of projects for my upcoming Tangling from the Heart class. I broke out many of the possibilities at my fingertips. An hour later, I had made so many discoveries—my paper was crammed with notes: “Love this!” “Oooo, that brush tip is too soft.” “Best result when I write more quickly.” “Oh! These markers smell terrible!” ”Make the tangle pattern first and then do the lettering.” 

Do you ever straddle the line of how much you need to keep experimenting and when is it time to move on?

My love of creativity and play is a double-edged sword. Honestly, there are only so many hours in the day. I also need to remember that my time for experimentation is not limited to this one experience. So finding what will work now and leaving the door open for new possibilities feels right… even if I’d rather keep plorking (playing and working).

What are you working on that brings out the need to experiment with new tools—pens, markers, colored pencils, paper, tablets, apps, and more? 

What’s your approach to the process?

For me, it’s all about finding the best materials for the project AND having fun in a (mostly) efficient way. I’d love to hear how you dive into this realm of your work… no doubt I can learn from you!

 

Insights from Spontaneous Co-Creation

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A walk on the beach led to an idea and several days of spontaneous co-creation ensued.

When was the last time you were suddenly in a situation in which you shared an idea with another person and yet had no process for moving forward?

As my friend (whom I have known the longest in life) and I walked along Folly Beach, SC, I was reminded of a beautiful mandala I had seen in San Sebastián, Spain. I saw “our” beach as a potential canvas…

I shared my photo and made the suggestion that we attempt such a feat. We set out to find tools/sticks, and began to talk about possibilities. I’ve made many mandalas in my day (I love The Mandala Guidebook and The Art of Mandala Drawing: Create Geometric Patterns). Nancy had never made one before. 

We both wanted to share in the creation, so we talked briefly about what we knew about mandalas. I didn’t want to share a lot because I didn’t want to influence how she came to this experience. We talked about taking turns: each of us drew a layer of the design, building on what had just been completed. Sometimes we weren’t sure what to do next. We would each offer up a few ideas and then whatever struck the fancy of the person responsible, became the next layer.

How do you approach co-creation when there’s a significant difference in the knowledge and skills of the people involved in the project?

No doubt, the import, and nature of the project, plus the timeframe are factors in how to proceed in the developing process of co-creation. We had the luxury of knowing that enjoying our experience was paramount and therefore we felt no pressure about achieving a particular result. 

We both encountered challenges with our tools and resources. The sticks were of varying widths (which became an interesting design element), and the sand on our first and second days was the same consistency across the diameter of our design (perhaps 8 feet). On day 3, in the same area of the beach, we were confronted with the sand so wet that it altered the strokes that we created. 

How do you work with a variety of tools, resources, and unexpected challenges? 

We finished our first mandala and were delighted! We approached the next two days with enthusiasm and without any plans in our minds. In part, that was the charm of our experiences.

I know that during this time together, we were in flow. The late afternoons at the beach were one of the highlights of my days.

What are some everyday experiences from which you have harvested insights? 

I was very conscious of letting go of what I knew about mandala design and creation. I wanted us to approach this as equals. And truth be told, the majority of the mandalas I’ve drawn have been, at the most eight inches in diameter, so working at this scale was a new experience. 

A few folks came and visited us every day, to ask questions and share their delight in seeing what we had created. On the first day, a man said to us, “This must not be your first rosette.” Nancy was excited to tell him that in fact, it was the first time we had worked/played together in this way… and that way we have been lifelong friends. Now that’s memory!

There are insights to be gained from all we do. I would love to hear some of your insights from similar experiences!

All materials copyright ©2019 Jill Greenbaum, Ed.D. All rights reserved.